2nd Rite of Passage Stage

Rites of Passage stages mark important changes in your son’s life and help to guide him into adulthood.  The 2nd significant stage is a critical one, as if it is facilitated well, it allows for a great level of communication and understanding between a child and their parents, essential for stage 3.

Below is a summary of the stage and some tips on creating an environment that encourages the process and helps you as a parent / teacher / elder understand it a little better.


From nine years of age, boys start looking more to their dads to understand risks and learn behaviours in the ‘transition’ rite of passage stage. Between 9 to 12 years of age, boys love and respect their dads. At this rite of passage stage, their dad is the centre of their universe, the ‘alpha’ male, the person they want to be with and learn from.

With help, Dads, Mums, Grandparents and teachers can understand this rite of passage stage more deeply and take the opportunity to maximise this stage and be “consciously competent” in guide their son’s development in a positive way. A dad shows his son that ‘we can work this stuff out together’. A boy’s confidence and self-assurance increases during this rite of passage stage when he knows that ‘Dad’s here for you’ and sees you…

Tips to Assists this Natural Process

1. Find a task and problem solve together

  • Remember, this is not about efficiency.
  • It is about time together.
  • Allow your boy to try and test options.  This may frustrate you but you are creating a space for him to grow in confidence and realise that he can work things out.

2. When you need to talk – walk or “do”.

  • Sit down “chats”, especially with boys are often a sure way to have them switch off.

3. Tell Stories and be appropriately open / venerable.

  • Telling stories helps young people see that you have had time in your life when you were challenged but also that you got through it.
  •  Stories allow you to opportunity to offer advice, without being seen to offer advice.
  • Stories also let young people draw their own conclusions and direction.  This is imperative if you wish them to “by in” to a change in attitude or behaviour.